La Grande Illusion
by NeonDomino
Summary: Trying to get over his feelings for Remus, Sirius joins an online dating site where he meets ChocolateLover, a cardigan wearing man who likes to read. Sirius also learns not to jump to conclusions.


Written for:

1000 prompts - Going on a blind date

365 - Food: Shepherd's Pie

Resolutions - Write a Cliche Plot/Write something really cheesy and Fluffy/Write tooth-rotting fluff/Participate in a house challenge

Writing Club - OTP Challenge - Write about your OTP's firt kiss. (song) "Sidekick" by Walk the Moon, (AU) Blind Date

Writing Club - Book Club - Dekka Talent - (Action) coming out as gay/lesbian/bi/etc, (word) gravity, (genre) friendship

Writing Club - Liza's Loves - La Grande Illusion

Writing Club - Showtime - "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Hogwarts Oracle - Write about a kiss at midnight

Tea Challenge - Hot Date Chai - Write about a first date

Sticker Challenge - Sweets Collection - Write about someone or something getting switched.

Monthly Bath Bomb Challenge - Set your story in a heavy rainstorm

Dragon Appreciation Challenge - 3,751

Jan word count challenge - 3,751

Yule Ball - Write about a character known for their beauty

Duelling Club - (item) Knife - (dialogue) "You came back!" (Quote) "There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart."

* * *

La Grande Illusion

Sirius/Remus

Thanks to my squad and especially Amber for the horrible messages that Sirius receives. Thanks to Bex and Lizzy for betaing :)

* * *

Sirius grinned as he looked at the little envelope in the top corner of his dating profile. He had only made the profile three minutes before, yet there were already seventeen messages.

He had expected maybe one or two. Not seventeen.

He clicked on the little envelope to see a message with the number 17 beside it. He wasn't quite sure what it meant or how the messages were sorted, but decided it was bad formatting putting all of his messages into one link.

Sirius clicked the blue text next to the seventeen and he waited a minute for the page to load.

After seventeen dick pics from the same man filled the page, Sirius clicked block and delete and turned away from his computer. Okay - so the first guy hadn't even bothered with a hello before sending those pictures. He clearly had no real interest in getting to know much about Sirius at all.

Sirius sighed as he headed to the kitchen to make dinner. He was tempted to delete the profile but had lost a bet to James. The requirements were to give online dating a fair chance and to try to finally get over this crush he had on his straight friend, Remus.

Easier said than done. How could anyone get over Remus Lupin?

...oOo...

He had to change his profile to say: _'no dick pics please'_ and change it again when people didn't read properly and continued to send. The new setting didn't allow pictures of any sort which filtered out the majority of replies.

But finally the messages started arriving and Sirius waited a few days before checking them, enjoying the way the number slowly built up next to the little envelope in the top corner.

Welcome The Brightest Star. You have 27 new messages.

Sirius grinned as he clicked the first one. Hopefully there would be some decent people this time around.

 _Message from FoxyFootBoy: "Hi, you're gorgeous and I couldn't help but stop at your profile. I notice your picture only has your waist up and was wondering if you had any that showed your bare feet? Could you tell me your shoe size?"_

Nope. He quickly blocked the person before moving onto the next message.

 _Message from SexyStud4U: "I have a big cock wanna fuck?"_

Nope. Blocked again.

 _Message from UrDaddy: "Ur hot, blow me"_

Just nope.

 _Message from MrNiceGuy: "Hi, I just looked through your profile and you sound really nice. How are you?"_

Sirius paused on the message. That sounded normal. He ignored the rest of his messages for a moment and clicked on the profile. The guy was good-looking though he had limited information on his profile. Well, Sirius could work with that. It gave him lots to ask and hopefully that would descend into nice conversation.

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "Hi, I'm good. How are you?"_

 _Message from MrNiceGuy: "Fine. So, how old are you?"_

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "Twenty-two. You?"_

Message from MrNiceGuy: "Twenty-five. You don't mind that I'm a few years older do you?"

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "Not at all. Three years isn't much of an age difference. I'm Sirius."_

 _Message from MrNiceGuy: "Robbie. Nice to meet you."_

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "So… what are you doing online so late in the evening?"_

 _Message from MrNiceGuy: "Playing with my massive cock and thinking about you."_

Sirius paused, staring at the message. The conversation had seemed promising and he hadn't expected it to take that turn. His fingers hesitated, not wanting to reply.

 _Message from MrNiceGuy: "Can you send me a video of you touching yourself?"_

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "I'm really sorry, I'm not going to do that."_

 _Message from MrNiceGuy: "Stupid cunt. Like I'd want my dick anywhere near you!"_

Sirius grabbed the mouse and clicked the button to block Robbie, his good mood fading fast. He had been so excited that there was someone normal on the site and clearly normality didn't join dating sites.

He clicked back to the messages in his inbox.

 _Message from Baller69: "I'll give you fifty-quid for a pair of your worn boxers. Extra if you wear them to the gym before sending them."_

 _Message from SugarDaddy: "Hi, me and my wife are looking for someone just like you. What we want to do is adopt you. Yes, you heard me right. Not many people are willing to make this sort of offer to a stranger, but we want you! It gets better, it really does. We also want to share you and play with you whenever we like. You'll have a home and food - can you think of anything more perfect - and we have a lot of dolls that you can play with. Not Barbies of course, we have some more wholesome dolls designed just for you - my wife makes all the outfits. Not blow-up dolls because you would never want a blow-up doll. You are so beautiful and we'd love for you to be our personal toy and be completely and utterly submissive to us and do everything we tell you. You might want to hurry in your reply because anyone else would jump at a chance to accept this!"_

Sirius had never felt so creeped out in all of his life.

 _Message from MissusBi-Curious: "Hi, my boyfriend is bi-curious and I was wondering if you wanted to have a threesome so he could explore that side of him and perhaps get it out of his system."_

Sirius' fingers moved across the keyboard in reply before he could really think about what he was doing.

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "Love, I'm so good at sucking men off, that one night with me and your boyfriend will never look at another woman again. Forget looking to get it out of his system - adding a man to your relationship might push him to realise he has a preference for men."_

Sirius headed back to his own profile and removed his picture. Perhaps without one, he'd meet someone half-decent who wasn't messaging him based on his looks?

He was on there to make a connection, not hook up or be someone's pet or sell his underwear.

...oOo...

 _Message from ChocolateLover: "Hi, I saw your profile and you sound really interesting. I hope to hear back from you."_

Sirius stared at the message doubtfully. He had told himself an hour ago that if the next person to message was like the others, he'd delete his profile. The message gave him a slight hint of hope, yet so did a few of the others… at first.

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "Hi. I'm just about to check yours out. What are you doing up so late?"_

Sirius waited for a reply, his eyes fixed unblinkingly on the screen.

 _Message from ChocolateLover: "I was supposed to go to bed a couple of hours ago but was lost in a really good book and lost track of time. I tend to come on here in the evenings and check my messages and send a couple before going to sleep. You?"_

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "Wow. You're the first person to reply with something appropriate."_

 _Message from ChocolateLover: "I'm not the sort to reply with something dirty. I hate those sort of messages."_

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "Me too. I've had people asking me to be their live in submissive and play with dolls, a girl asking me to sleep with her bi-curious boyfriend, and dick pics to name but a few. The fact that you've responded normally is a big relief. I just want a real conversation."_

 _Message from ChocolateLover: "Me too. I'll be upfront now - you're not the only person I'm messaging on here, but I can't limit myself to one because some take weird turns very quickly."_

Sirius frowned, considering the words. Well, at least this guy was being truthful about it.

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "Thanks for your honesty. I've had conversations take weird turns too so I get why you are wary. So… what do you do?"_

 _Message from ChocolateLover: "I'm a writer. What about you?"_

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "I'm an artist. Painting mostly but I like sketching."_

Sirius smiled as his fingers danced over the keyboard, writing more messages until _ChocolateLover_ went to bed over an hour later, after agreeing to dinner the next night.

...oOo...

Sirius sat down at the table, completely nervous about meeting someone for dinner. They had talked for almost two hours the night before before deciding to meet for dinner. He could be as weird as the others, but Sirius had decided that this was his last attempt. If this guy was normal and it didn't click, at least it'd give him faith in the online dating world.

Otherwise he'd give up forever.

He watched the door, his eyes widening as Remus walked in. What was Remus doing here?

He made to stand up and call out a greeting to Remus, but Remus glanced around, his gaze finding Sirius'. Sirius froze. It was as if Remus knew he'd be there. Remus began heading over, his gaze fixed on Sirius and Sirius quickly reached up to check his hair.

Suddenly it clicked. The man had stayed up reading. He had said that he'd be wearing a cardigan. His undername mentioned Chocolate and finally, he was a writer.

How had he not seen it before? It was Remus. One of his closest friends. Someone he could rely on for anything. Remus would never send dick pics or be crude in messages. Remus wouldn't come out with some horrifying messages.

The very person he was trying to move on from - well, get over his unrequited feelings for - was the very person who had found him online and agreed to dinner. Maybe Remus wasn't as straight as he and James thought. Hope shot through his chest. Maybe just maybe he could win Remus over.

Sirius beamed, standing up. "Remus," he said, taking the couple of steps and hugging his friend. "Great that you're here. Come, sit down. Drink?"

"Sure," Remus replied, smiling widely at the welcome. "How are you?"

"Better now that you're here." Sirius grabbed a menu from the table and passed it over. He couldn't wipe the wide smile off his face as Remus stared at the menu before taking it. "Dinner is on me, dessert too. The place makes a wonderful chocolate cake."

"It really does," Remus agreed, settling properly into the chair and opening the menu. "So, I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I wasn't expecting you," Sirius replied. "But I'm glad you turned up." He opened his own menu, glancing down the list of meals and wondering how in the hell to make this the best date in the world for Remus.

...oOo...

Sirius scraped his fork against the bottom of the plate, catching the last bit of mince from his shepherd's pie as Remus talked. His eyes flitted up, watching how animated Remus became as he talked about the latest character he had brought into his book. It was beautiful. Sirius knew he could _never_ tire of watching Remus' face light up, or have that breathtaking smile focused at him.

He hoped that he was making a good impression on the other man because one date had him itching for more and more. Maybe it was the feelings he had already had for Remus before the date, but he could plan their future all the way down to who they would ask to be the surrogate to have their children (Alice of course as she had Remus' hair colour and grey eyes so the kids would look like both him and Remus).

He didn't voice this of course. This was the first date. First dates weren't for making life plans. He would take this slow and not ruin it.

The dessert being placed on the table made him jump, the fork clattering out of his hand and onto the table, and his elbow knocking the knife. The waiter apologised with wide eyes and rushed away.

Remus' eyes fell on the desserts. "That's bigger than I'm used to."

"I know something else that's bigger than you're used to," Sirius murmured seductively.

Remus' cheeks turned red and he chuckled.

"I asked the kitchen for a larger slice. I know how you like your chocolate," Sirius added, enjoying that he caused that beautiful blush on his friend's - no, on his date's cheek.

"Drinks, starters, dinner and dessert… and extra dessert. You must let me pay towards dinner," Remus insisted, picking up the spoon and scooping up some ice-cream along with the cake.

Sirius shook his head. "Not at all. You can get the next one perhaps, I just wanted us to have a nice dinner together today."

"It's been wonderful. It's been so long since it was just me and you. Usually Peter or James is around and I don't think me and you really get as much of a chance to just talk."

"I agree!" Sirius insisted. "But maybe that'll change… you know, we could do this again…"

Remus beamed. "I'd love to."

Sirius mentally high-fived himself. A second date with Remus Lupin who _never dated_. It was a dream come true.

...oOo...

"I'm sorry Sirs, the place is closing."

Sirius looked away from Remus, frowning as he looked at the clock. "It's eleven?"

"It can't be!" Remus insisted, glancing over. "I got here at seven. Have we been talking all of this time?"

"We must have been," Sirius replied, his gaze moving to the window. The rain was pounding heavily against it. Could he use rain as an excuse for crashing at Remus' place? Yes. Yes he could and he would. "We're ready for the bill," Sirius said, glancing at the waiter.

It came quickly and Sirius pulled it away before Remus could get a look. It wasn't too high thankfully and he pulled out his wallet, putting down a few notes and adding a twenty as a tip considering how long they had been there. As Remus enjoyed the food so much, he wanted the staff to remember him as the generous guy and therefore continue to give good service.

Remus didn't notice the rain until they were by the door. "It's pouring," he muttered.

"It's more than pouring. It's a rainstorm," Sirius replied. The weather was on his side. The skies even wanted him with Remus. It was fate.

Remus glanced at Sirius. "We should make a run for it back to mine," he suggested. "I'm just around the corner."

Sirius tried to hold back his excitement. Clearly they were on the same page.

...oOo...

"Here, you're soaked," Sirius murmured softly, reaching for the buttons on Remus' cardigan. "Let me." His fingers slowly began to undo each button and Remus' eyes widened as Sirius moved closer. There were only a few inches between their bodies and Sirius could barely breathe. This was the moment, he decided, as he pushed the cardigan from Remus' shoulders.

"You… you're soaking too," Remus whispered, his hands shaking slightly as he pushed Sirius' leather jacket down, off his shoulders.

The wet clothes quickly fell to the floor and Sirius moved closer, his hand quickly coming up to cup Remus' jaw. "So… perfect first date."

"First date?" Remus repeated, his gaze fixed on Sirius. Sirius couldn't help but grin at the flustered way Remus repeated his words.

"Yeah. When you turned up for the blind date… I should have known the guy I was talking to was you. Cardigans, likes reading, likes chocolate and a writer. When you arrived… first of many, I hope."

"Blind date," Remus whispered, his head nodding slightly. "Sirius… I have something to tell you."

Sirius' fingers moved from Remus' jaw, gently dancing down his neck and running to the back of his neck. "I can't believe we're here," he murmured softly. "I've wanted to be with you for so long. I never knew you could ever feel the same. What was it you wanted to say?"

Remus turned his head, his cheek rubbing gently against the inside of Sirius' arm for a moment. "I… Sirius, it wasn't… I mean…" Remus took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter. I had a wonderful time tonight and I never knew you felt anything more than friendship for me. I'd like to do this again."

Sirius beamed at him. "So… if this was just a first date, I'd kiss you and leave. But… I've known you for years and I know you won't hold it against me if I asked if I could stay the night. To be clear, I want to spend the night with you - in your bed. Naked."

Remus blushed deeply. "I… okay, but there's something you need to know."

"What?" Sirius asked, his fingers slowly opening the buttons on Remus' shirt. "You can tell me anything."

"I'm… I'm not gay."

Sirius' hands froze.

"I mean, I think I'm bisexual. I like women but… the feelings I have for them don't compare to how I feel about you! But only you. I've never felt anything for another man before… so I don't know what… I don't want to disappoint you."

"Love, you could never disappoint me," Sirius murmured. "We don't have to go to bed now…"

"Sirius, I have to tell you something else. I… I wasn't the person you were supposed to meet tonight. I was there to get something to take away. I never… if you met someone you like online, well… it's not me."

Sirius' hand dropped. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Remus murmured.

Sirius stepped back once more and he reached for his jacket on the floor. "I should go," he muttered.

"You… you don't have to," Remus replied, stepping towards Sirius but moving back again.

"I need to… I'll see you soon." Sirius quickly turned and left.

...oOo...

He stopped at the bus stop near Remus' house and checked the bus times on his phone. three minutes.

He squeezed the rain from his hair and perched on the red bench and waited, checking his notifications at the same time. According to his emails, there was a message from the guy he was supposed to see that night for dinner.

 _Message from ChocolateLover: "Hi, I'm really sorry but I can't make it. I hope you get this message in time. Something came up. Can we reschedule until tomorrow?"_

Sirius' fingers hovered over the keypad. Hours ago, he would have been eager to rearrange, but that was before he had spent hours talking to Remus. That was before he had touched Remus' face, leaned in, preparing to kiss him. That was before he knew Remus had feelings for him.

His fingers froze.

Remus invited him to bed. Remus was scared and had never been with a man before and had still invited him to bed.

Remus - the man he would do anything to be with - had admitted to having feelings for him and Sirius had just left. He wasn't sure why he had left. He wasn't angry at Remus. Remus had told the truth about the situation and that was just who Remus was.

 _Message from The Brightest Star: "I'm sorry. At dinner I ran into an old friend who I still have feelings for. Good luck on the site."_ He clicked send and quickly navigated through the site until he found the option to delete his account.

Everything he wanted was back in Remus' flat. As the bus pulled up, he made his choice. It wasn't to leave Remus because without even explaining himself would be cruel. Remus had admitted his feelings and Sirius knew it was hard for his friend to say these things. Remus was most likely hurting and feeling rejected right now and that alone had Sirius turning away from the bus and the bus stop and rushing back towards Remus' house, not caring that the rain was still pelting down on him.

...oOo...

The door was still unlocked when he tried the handle. He opened the door quietly, spotting Remus immediately. Remus was on the sofa, his head in his hands.

"Love?" Sirius said softly, causing Remus to jump up. Wide eyes fixed on Sirius. He looked ready to turn and walk through the other door towards the bedrooms, but Sirius wasn't prepared to let Remus leave the room. Not until he had explained himself.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know why I left. You told me the truth - it was a misunderstanding on both of our parts. Maybe because I had hoped so much that the guy was you and that it was fate, only to find out he wasn't you. But I realised something when I left. I joined that site to get over these feelings I have for you, Remus. You being at the restaurant was fate. The other guy cancelling… that was fate. The thing is - you feel something for me too and I finally have my chance with you. Do I? Do I still have a chance?"

"You still have a chance," Remus admitted.

Sirius shook his head, his gaze on Remus' wet clothes.

"It's midnight," he said. "How about I get you out of those wet clothes and you show me where the bed is?"

Remus strode across the room. "I thought I lost my chance… I was cursing myself for telling you the truth. But… you came back."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," Sirius replied softly. "I'm yours, Remus."

"What about… you were going out with someone else. I mean… what does that mean?"

"I told him about you and deleted my dating account." His hand pressed against Remus' chest. "Why would I want someone else when I can spend my life with you? You didn't want to tell me the truth - I know that - but you did, because you have a good heart. Remus. No one could ever come close to how I feel for you."

Remus leaned in, his lips pressing so gently against Sirius', that Sirius could have dreamt it had happened. Their eyes met, both realising the gravity of the situation - the change from friends to something that would be so much more. "You'll get sick if you stay in those wet clothes. Let me help you out of them," Sirius murmured softly.

Remus nodded. "I should get you out of your wet clothes too. Bedroom? It's nice and warm and dry in my bed!"

Sirius grinned. He didn't need telling twice.

* * *

Review Please :)


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